MAVUNO CHURCH - MY STORY

Source: www.mavunokampala.org

Now now now...... I was not planning on publicly saying anything about the Mavuno flyer controversy but a post on my Facebook Time line made me realize that I have a responsibility - I am the 'face' of Mavuno for most of my friends and family. The reason I was not going to say anything is because if this poster had come out a year ago I'd probably be the first one to have ridiculed it.... and one thing for sure, no matter how many times Pastor M. would have gone from one media house to another I would not have seen things any differently, I had already made up my mind that Mavuno is for the un-serious Christians. I lived in Nairobi West and I never ever attended any of the services at Mavuno which was next door. I mean how is it that the Worship Leader encouraged people to go nurse their hangover in church?? Huh?? Never mind all this was hearsay.... Still, didn't he know that church is for those of us who have 'got it together' especially on Sundays? Church was the place where we were supposed to be on our best behaviour and appearance? I guess it is human nature to demonize what we are ignorant about.... or maybe that was just me. So anyway, I decided to tell my Mavuno story, not so much to 'defend' the Church but to tell the other side that the media is not making noise about; that side that screams: Mavuno Church is about T.R.A.N.S.F.O.R.M.A.T.I.O.N!

So fast forward to today.... I am now Mavuno damu. I keep thinking God has such an incredible sense of humour! The church that I considered un-serious has been my school of faith! It was not until I began worshiping there that I realized Mavuno, like many Pentecostal churches, has its target group (http://www.mavunokampala.org/#/about-mavuno/our-target) and that explained alot why they did things differently. I love my former church (not Mavuno) and whenever I am in Nairobi that it is where I worship from. That is the pulpit where I gave my life to Christ and that is where I first got the courage to serve in church and for those and many other reasons, it will always be a special sanctuary for me. But then, by no one elses fault but mine.... while there, I was more of a Sunday Christian; don't get me wrong I still really tried to keep within morally acceptable standards most of the times. I honestly (I know it sounds foolish) thought that I needed to be perfect and when I'd sin I would be so hard on myself..... I thought it was by my own strength that I needed to keep on the straight and narrow..... didn't understand the grace of God. That is why I preferred to put my church friends in a box labelled 'Sunday life', that way I never interracted with them during my 'normal life' hence they would not get to know that I (also) sinned, now not anymore.... not after meeting real people with real issues and encountering a real God! God needed to take me out of my comfort zone, all that was familiar to me..... to experience Him afresh! Until I came to Mavuno, I had never really known what it meant to include God in everything you do, every breath you take. I never understood what it meant when people would say God spoke to them, surely who ever heard God's voice and is still alive? I never knew how to totally trust and depend on Him..... to let go and let God. I was also delighted to be informed that I was put on this earth for a divine purpose and encouraged to pursue it (http://www.mavunochurch.org/new/content.php?id=38). When I do not work towards it, am letting the entire body of Christ down. Mavuno helps you prepare for eternity but also encourages you, in the mean time, to be useful doing what God put you here on earth for in all excellence...... we call it turning ordinary people into fearless influencers of society (http://www.mavunochurch.org/new/content.php?id=50). I used to wonder why many 'celebs' used to go to Mavuno till I realized that it was the other way round, Mavuno makes celebs and not the celebs that make Mavuno.... encouraging people to be excellent at what they do to make a difference in the six sectors of societal focus, i.e. church & mission, media & the arts, economy & business, health & the environment, politics & governance, education & family! Did I mention that the marriage enrichment group I keep referring to in this blog is a Mavuno Church initiative? After going through 10 weeks of Ndoa our marriage was never the same again! Hun and I have known how to pick our battles, how to fight fair, issues to do with complete transparency, how to handle in-laws as well as finances..... establishing the family altar.

Well.... about the flyer, one blogger - Wanjiru Kihusa (http://www.wanjirukihusa.com/blurred-lines-my-take-2/) got the words right out of my mouth, including the title. I must confess that when I saw the pic of the white girl with very tiny shorts and read the words on the flyer, my jaw dropped. You see I was raised up in an Anglican church and by very strict parents. Sex was soooooo 'sinful' that we never ever talked about it. When I was in my pre-teens, I once read in a newspaper about a girl that had been 'raped', didn't know what that meant.... I asked my mum and she told me I'd find out when I grew older. Imagine that, such important and relevant information to a growing teen was with held. That is how much of a taboo 'sex' was. So YES the flyer startled me, made me abit uncomfortable when I saw it. That said, I was not for one second worried that the blurred lines session would be on how to twerk it the Miley Cyrus way! If how I'd grown and still growing spiritually was anything to go by, I trusted that the content of the lesson would definitely be spiritually uplifting. Infact I was so glad that someone was bold enough to talk to the teens about the difficult subject of sex and especially within the christian context while most of us would rather shy away from it. Unfortunately while we do that, our teens continue to be misled by the media that continues to glorify sex and this technology age that we are living in doesn't help much!! 

I have now come to terms with the fact that the poster was never meant for me..... neither was it for anyone in my generation or earlier. The truth is this generation is overly exposed to sex, what is shocking to us is their everyday world. I am certainly sure that back in the day cooking oil adverts had no sexual innuendos and there was no kissing in cartoons either! 

Different Times. Different Generation. Different Problems. Different Strategies..... that's my take.Like

YOU ROCK!!!

Today we celebrate a milestone!  A big thank you to all the readers and followers of ‘Bliss and Blisters’, you all have inspired and motivated me much. I have made some great friends! Am truly grateful for your support, pleasant comments, meaningful words and appreciation.  The appreciation is however all mine, for all of you who are following my work, spreading and blogging my posts. 3,000 page views with just 8 posts is truly beyond what I was expecting to have and it really blows my mind away to see how many of you are visiting my blog daily especially in 2014! THANK YOU!

A special thanks to a number of friends and family members who pushed me into blogging. You know yourselves. Turns out it was the best peer pressure I ever bowed to! I love the institution of marriage. Within the one year of marriage I have cried, laughed, fought, made peace, let go, had to learn to always think about someone else (other than 'I') in all I do……. all in all it still remains one of the most fulfilling years of my life. I have been loved on, taken care of, constantly encouraged, had someone to walk with through everything and above all I have had to grow up by leaps and bounds….. spiritually, emotionally and even PHYSICALLY.

They say there is no need to re-invent the wheel so if through our marriage experiences we can save others from having to learn ‘the hard way’, then we are willing to be vulnerable with you all. This is why this blog exists. Secondly, there are these dear friends, whom, Hun and I are forever grateful to God for making our paths cross. They have invested and continue to invest in our marriage, and seeing the difference it makes in our lives…… we cannot help but wish the same for everyone within our circle of influence.

I would also like to take the opportunity to thank HUN - my Husband, my Dear-heart: Even though we sometimes drive each other up the wall, I thank God for we always slither back down through forgiveness, into each other's arms.... work in progress is what we are. Thank you for being my editor and much appreciation for allowing me to share our imperfect lives with the world. I love you Byron Osiro.

To God - Author of Marriage: You created man and then thought it was not good for him to be alone and so you created him a companion (Gen 2:18-22). Thank you for using a broken vessel like me to communicate your idea of marriage – even as we too try to find our way there.

TRUTH EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW BEFORE GETTING HITCHED

A few weeks into our marriage enrichment program (NDOA), we were given a form with about 10 ‘needs’ that we expected to be met by our spouses. It is almost similar to the love languages but this was more detailed and had many ‘languages’ than the 5 as we know them i.e. Acts of service, Quality time, Physical touch, Words of affirmation and Gifts. There were 2 columns next to each need. In the 1^st column we were to rate in order of importance to us, from the most important need to the not-so-important. In the 2^nd column we were to rate what we thought was most important for our spouses. Then thereafter we were to compare what we considered important to us versus what our mates thought was important to us. Of course my number one for Hun, or for all other man, was a no brainer and as far as I was concerned; it had to be sexual intimacy. So when he revealed his list and it was not his number one, I thought he was just being pious (since the enrichment group is church affiliated and we were required to discuss our lists). I took it with a pinch of salt, after all the number one need for all men was sex, or so I thought. So when we met in the larger group and collectively the men confirmed that sex was not on top of their list, I was now confused! You mean sex does not solve all of a man’s problems??

I knew I was not alone when some weeks later a question was popped to a group of ladies in the same enrichment group asking what was the one thing we wish we knew before we got married and it was almost unanimous that someone should have told us that….. husbands shall not live by sex alone! You cannot blame us since most of us, especially if you have attended a number of bridal showers, sex is usually the main topic if not the only topic. Well, I thank God because mine was different in that in addition to the S subject, the speaker talked about other issues basing everything on the Bible. However, clearly my mind had already been corrupted to that kind of thinking. During the ladies forum I mentioned earlier, it was hilarious to hear some of the advice that ladies have been given concerning the subject. Most memorable was how as a lady you should always have a bucket of water and towels beforehand – and I thought, wouldn’t that very well-meaning act completely kill spontaneity??

Over the months I have learnt that while IT is an important part of marriage, most men, if not all consider RESPECT and ADMIRATION more important. For me, admiration has really not been a problem. Hun’s passion in the way he does things and his super-human ability to remain calm and optimistic even when stuff is going horribly wrong, makes it easy. Plus, I mean, just the fact that he was able to convince me to move - those who know me well will tell you am the most rigid person when it comes to change - leave my family, my friends, my Sunday School babies, my comfortable decently paying flexi-time (ok not officially) job, my rented ka-house and everything else that was familiar to me, totally demands admiration from me.

It is ‘respect’ that I have struggled with for a while but I thank God for slowly taming that too. Generally I respect him, the area that I used to fail over and over is arguing in public. Now, I know you all strong and opinionated women feel me on this one. There are times I’d get caught up trying to prove my point I fail to notice the curious on lookers around us, waiting…. almost ‘casting lots’ amongst themselves who between Hun and I will back down first. By this time, Hun would usually be beyond embarrassed.  Well we have since developed a code which we use to end the conversation when either of us flies off the handle in public and so far so good. In relation to public embarrassments, the other issue I have had to deal with, was how I was fond of ‘correcting’ him in public or his comments on Facebook. As I have mentioned before, I am a Choleric/ Mel. We Cholerics tend to ‘think’ (read: know) we are always right. By God’s grace I have learnt to hold my horses and bite my tongue no matter how much it bleeds.

Well ofcourse this doesn’t by any means translate to being gagged. We must enjoy freedom of speech oh especially in marriage otherwise you will surely surely lose your mind. I believe I have a voice and a brain for a reason and that my over 30 years of life’s experiences count for something as far as giving opinions is concerned. My prayer has been for wisdom and a lot of patience….. to be tactful, to be patient for the right space to UNLEASH…. respectfully of course!!

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

Happy New Year? Mine wasn’t. For the first time in my life, much to the surprise of my Ugandan family, I came down with Malaria. The surprise look on their faces due to the fact that it was my first time made me feel like I had indeed delayed this rite of passage, a late bloomer!! What surprised them more is that I was treated with IVs and had to be on drip at some point and the fact that I was sick for almost 21 days. Apparently Malaria in Uganda is more like how in Kenya we frequently suffer from the common cold/ flu and how casually we treat it. Most ‘feel it coming’, go straight to a Medical Lab and request to confirm whether they have malaria and then recommend drugs…… no need to see a doc. In other cases, once you suspect you have the symptoms, you go straight to the Pharmacy for drugs. However that wasn’t me, coz I had it bad!

I thank God now am all good, better than before actually……. several Kilos lighter and didn’t have to do a *slimpossible after all. Mmmhh…. now how to maintain the current weight is the challenge seeing I am now back to loving my food, anyway I digress.

Being unwell was an extremely humbling experience in a good way and sometimes not so good. As I have said in a previous blog, I love Ugandans and all Ugandanized Kenyans. The love they showed me and by extension us as a family was overwhelming. I think staying in Uganda has forever changed me. We got very many visitors. Everyone who heard I was unwell wanted to visit: Church leadership, fellow congregants, many friends, Hun’s colleagues etc, oh and word did spread quickly. And they were practical too! Some brought cooked spinach for my iron replenishment, others made me vegetable soup in my kitchen, others came and made me litres of fresh juice, to name but a few. There were many more that checked up on me daily through calls, texts, emails etc. Oh and the prayers. This is not to mean my Kenyan peeps abandoned me, however it was comforting for them to know that I had people around me. As usual, I had my mum ‘threatening’ to come over and be with me and my siblings giving me daily menus….. some of which we all agreed were quite questionable.

Then there was the main man. If I was ever so grateful to have married Hun, it was during this time. Remember when I said sickness can be humbling in a bad way. Sometimes it frustrated me that I couldn’t do simple tasks for myself and so it made me snappy, plus I think the pain didn’t help. He had to take it all in. He would cook for me and most of the time I would not take more than 2 spoonfuls before I hurl it all out. Please note my husband would rather watch paint dry than cook (It’s a family thing). Sometimes I would request him to go out and get me a certain craving and by the time he’d get back, my cravings have changed. He also had to be the ‘host’ of all our visitors. Let us just say there was a lot of re-orienting himself with the kitchen. Perhaps this would have been easier if he didn’t have to be working, considering it is January and having been away from office during the Holidays meant a backlog. Yet he never complained. It made me feel abit guilty since there was a time he had hurt his hand, and even though I was there for him I would not shut up of how ‘tiring’ it was. I guess we learn every day.

Moral of the story: Never under estimate the power of a mosquito net and repellant jelly – not that am using either as we speak but planning on it…. ohhh how I do not like sleeping under a net. Secondly, if you can please visit people when they are sick - it really lightens up the spirit. Finally, I know our case is relatively minor but it made me think of other major sicknesses that some couples have had to get through or even worse, live with. All in all, I realized that the promise ‘in sickness and in health’ takes a lot more selflessness than we ever think about as we recite our vows on the wedding day…. a lot of grace under fire!

*Slimpossible is a Kenyan weight loss program that airs in East Africa.

Good News: We Don't Need the Muscles like Tyson

As I write this blog I do not consider myself an expert in any way, actually far from it. Day by day I realize how much more we are yet to learn about marriage! So Hun and I have decided to seek a ‘short-cut’ of sorts. We have decided to ride on the shoulders of giants. It is true that every marriage is unique so there is no one-size-fits all template. However when you get to sit down with others, you realize there are some almost predictable stages marriages go through and with those comes similar challenges/ victories. So we have decided to learn from our mentor couples. We are lucky that within 6 months into marriage we have several mentor couples. These are all people whose marriages we greatly admire and the couples have taken up walking with us and praying for our marriage.

I really look upto my parents. They have been together for 43 years, wedded for 36 of those. 5 children, 5 grandchildren and some wrinkles later, they are still together. They have been through all the usual drama. I could tell by the occasional silent treatment. However, never have I ever seen my dad lay a hand on mum (only severally on my then naughty brothers) and neither did I ever hear them exchange words in our midst. I always wondered when and where they let the other know what one was ‘really thinking’ considering we lived in a relatively humble neighborhood where homes had thin walls, well figuratively, and yet I still never heard them. I really wonder.

I could go on and on about various people who we look up to because of how they carry about their own marriages. However, for the purpose of this blog I’ll only pick one such mentor couple, our Pastor and his wife, the Kigwis….. who have enlightened us on one of the greatest lesson.  They introduced us to the concept of being intentional in marriage.

Before I wedded, I heard a lot of how marriage is very hard-work  I don’t know about you but the term hard-work makes me think of manual labor! Sounded to me like I needed to build some muscles. Well, of course in marriage there is a bit of that too since (sigh!), the rate at which I have to cook and clean can never compare to the once in a blue-moon back in the day. Oh, plus I know once the 5 (ha!) little ones start trooping in…. for sure there’ll be manual labour.

However I’d like to think that about keeping the marriage fulfilling and not gradually growing apart, it is more about purposing to do stuff. Things do not always ‘just fall in place’ nor ‘work themselves out’ like it mostly happens when dating. Leaving things to spontaneity might land your relationship in trouble. We have learned that you have to purpose to be in accountability & enrichment groups, go on family holidays, to go on regular - say weekly - dates, to be home early to spend time with the family, to train the children to go to bed early etc.  Our Pastors’ 2 toddlers are in bed by 6.30pm and sleep throughout the night, and they have assured us it is not genetic! It did not come easy but is is doable. An older couple once told us that later in marriage, it is advisable to put even ‘the intimacies’ on a program, otherwise before you know it you are surprised that it has been weeks or months since you know what. And no this is not for the boring couples or couples without chemistry or any of that, it is just life happening…. READ: children, career, mortgage, bills, education advancement etc.

Laying the plan for the activities above is the easy bit, following through is another issue altogether. So even for this seems we also need to….. well…. PURPOSE!

The Spare Room

Growing up in a family of 5 children and almost always having relatives over, we never had the luxury of having a spare room. We eventually grew up, and my sister and I decided we were ready to leave the nest and we therefore moved in together in a relatively tiny house to try out what independence felt like. Mummy and Daddy though were not so sure that we were ready, especially since neither of us liked cooking so the condition was to get a house near theirs, I guess malnutrition was not an option. After proving ourselves, a year later, I went solo and this time away from where my parents lived. Now at 25 years old, with a basic earning and zeal to further my education, my living conditions deteriorated. I recall the first tiny servants' quarter or 'SQ' as commonly referred to in Kenya, I ever lived in was at Nairobi West. My gate was right in the middle of a maize and sugar cane plantation.  Well, I did not know that initially and I feel I sort of got tricked. You see when I moved in the maize had been harvested so the field was clear. Furthermore, it was January usually a warm season and therefore the earth was all dry, even crusty. A few weeks later though, the rains came and the maize grew and so did my problems.

Having evening classes meant that I always got home late and had to grapple with the darkness within the maize plantation plus having to wade through the mud. But that was not even my worst nightmare. One morning as I wore my heels, I realized the left shoe was not fitting well. I snuggled my toes in some more, harder and harder. Then I thought I felt some wetness on my toes and so I decided to check what it was. To my horror, it was a big juicy SLUG that I had smashed with my toes!! I screamed my little heart out and would not wear closed shoes for weeks after that. During the rainy season slugs were everywhere. Another time as I got home in the evening tired as usual, I only realized too late that there was one cleaving on the padlock and that was after I had given it a handshake.

A few months later I moved houses and since then I have lived in decent and fairly comfortable houses save for the elusive ‘spare room’. Fast forward to ‘beyond I do’ and now we have a spare room, well, at least before the brood grows. I have come to love the idea and wondered where the ‘spare room’ has been all my life! That is the only place in the house that I allow myself and Hun to mess up, and even my ‘choleric/ melancholic’ self is not (so) bothered about it. What a joy to have that place that I can ‘post-pone’ stuff to and deal with them ‘later’ either since I do not have time currently or because I really can’t figure out what to do with it. The room still holds some of the stuff I moved with from Nairobi that am still not sure what to do with. Sometimes it is laden with Hun’s IT stock en route to or from the office! I especially love dumping clean laundry there before I sort it out or before ironing. Laundry that is left lying around, whether clean or dirty is a pet peeve to me. Previously I used to put away my laundry on the same day it was washed, even if I got home at midnight. I was completely unable to even leave it lying in the bedroom, as long as I was going to sleep there. I just cannot fall asleep knowing there is a stack of clothes in the room.

This got me thinking the other day of how I handle issues. I was one person who can pout from the moment I have been ‘wronged’ until when I feel that the issue has been addressed. Sometimes that can take days. As advised by a group of girlfriends, that is never any way to handle marriage. Recently I have learnt to utilize the concept of the ‘spare room’. I nowadays make a conscious effort to put off conflicts when discussions get too heated between Hun and I, or we do not seem to see eye to eye on an issue. After a few hours or days, usually the issue will come up again and this time Hun might see things my way and other times I would be the one who has changed perspective. Sometimes we realize it was non-issue in the first place. Other times yet, we have had to take it back to the ‘spare room’ and try the process all over again. While the issue is in the ‘spare room’ I try to go on with life as usual. This has made it easier to deal with issues. Of course I must also add that the benefit of putting matters in the spare room temporarily is that you also get to pray about it.

Bliss or Blisters? (Repost from 13 March 2013)

So its been four and a half weeks since tying the knot and two weeks since I relocated to the land of Museveni and I can confidently say that all factors considered, I am adjusting pretty well. I am finding Ugandans generally friendly and even though half the time I do not understand a thing they are saying to me, I do feel the love..... so I simply smile and nod and swiftly move along to discourage any more exchanges. 

So far I have settled on local brands of milk, bread and sugar (things I used to take for granted)... I did my first 'taxi' ride (that is a matatu) and alone for that matter, oh and they have no route numbers! The taxis or cabs as we know them, are referred to as special hire... or just special!

I am happy to have found me this lady who is awesome at braiding hair though at the down town (really down town). I've also learnt abit of the lingo, albeit the hard way, like when you are asked if you want a ''puff'' at the salon, they DO NOT mean a cigarette they simply mean ponytail and a hairband is therefore called a ''puff holder'' ......... while at it, may I also point out that dhania is called OATMEAL and arrow roots or 'nduma' are known as yams (sigh!)

In the past 2 weeks I have prepared more meals than I did in the last 1 year as a single (kumbe nawesmek). I am YET TO make my maiden matoke meal, hop onto one of these crazy boda bodas..... find a good brand of rice..... oh and am yet to complete unpacking