WHEN THINGS GET TOO HOT IN THE BEDROOM

Seriously, everyone in my life who ever got married before I did….. I have serious beef. Along the way I keep discovering stuff --the hard way -- that no one ever mentioned that I will go through once I get into marital bliss; the blisters along the journey of marriage. Ok maybe that is not entirely true, maybe some of them did say something but my starry-eyedness had no room for ‘negativity’ at the time. I was about to marry this awesome guy (still is by the way) and ours was going to be the very first ever ‘and they lived --literally-- HAPPILY ever after’.

But no, it is still their fault. They should have slapped me with some reality check out of my so-very-in-love stupor. Would it have been so out-there for one of them to pull me on the side one day from that all so important job of deciding whether the guests at the wedding would prefer to have pineapples or water melons after lunch…. and just tell me ‘Hey, look here. Please choose wisely, for the choice you are about to make will forever change everything in your life. Forever. The day those wonderful guests will get to enjoy the melon or the pineapple, please know that all your sleeping preferences would henceforth always be up for discussion and compromise.’ I mean everyone close to me would have known that would have been a wake up call, the relationship between me and MY bed was deep. They all knew how I would often, gladly, allow a lot of ‘life’ to pass me by just for that extra wink of zzzzzzzzzz. My sister never understood how anyone would prefer to sleep instead of being out there socializing. But for me, my dear sweet slumber was worth giving up all of those. But now, since the day the bananas were eaten, it has all changed. Now I have even no bed to call MY OWN as we are now in a tri-lationship and when you add God who also came on board the same day of the fruit eating…. well,  you get the drift! The gospel song ‘my life is not my own’ never gets any more real.

Then also I need to sleep ‘smart’. My previous relationship with MY bed had no demands. It was ‘come as you are’ faded, one-side-sloping-tees, too-tired-to-get-out-of-jeans, THE TABOO PAIR OF OLD STOCKINGS HEAD WRAP ….. But not anymore, the pesky fruits changed everything, now I am required to groom for bed. That as I figure out what to wear for the day, I also pick out what I intend to sleep in at night. Thank God at least I do not have to plan for foot wear….. though however, I still have to plan for ‘headwear’ and my good old faithful pair of tad torn stockings is not an option!

Well, so it has been 2 years of pre-bed grooming, I have kind of got the rhythm sort of, though I usually-- once in a while-- regress during those nights that Hun has travelled. However, there is one thing that is still a major pet peeve. This time of the year, in this part of the world, it is extremely HOT. Then now the houses in our hood, and the bedrooms in particular seem hotter than other homes we have visited. As if to mock my limits, I recently underwent a procedure and was given a follow up prescription drug whose side effects include…. wait for it… hot flushes, yes similar to those of women in menopause, as the doctor confirmed! So come evenings, I am usually one pre-bed-groomed HOT mess…. pun intended. But then, we have this cooling fan, currently my most favorite gadget around the house after the freezer. However, my darling Hun cannot sleep with a fan on. My dear friends waiting to be married, the day you walk down that aisle please be very aware that you are, at the same time, walking away from the power to autonomously decide whether to cool yourself or not on a hot night. Ironically, the sound of the fan which I find so soothing is annoying noise that keeps him awake but in addition to that he tends to wake up the next day with some form of congestion. And it matters not, whether it’s the AC or a fan. His body just has issues with cooling systems…. that some of us require desperately. 

While of course this is not a good enough reason to decamp to celibacy for life, it is just good to know in advance so that you are not shocked if (read: when) it ever comes up. Remember to keep this in mind as you choose the fruits for the wedding banquet.