END OF AN ERA..... HELLO NEW THINGS!

The Joy of the Lord

Last month a preacher in church asked the congregation to acknowledge by show of hand if they had had an extremely great year so far, then those who had had a so-so year and finally a terrible year. Forgetting about appearing all prim and proper my hand shot up when the latter was called out. He prayed that God may change the tide for us, and to that I said the loudest Amen in that hall. Well, most of you know the story. My terrible year had to do with illness. Before this year my worst body discomfort has probably been due to cramps and tonsillitis…. now I can call it discomfort because after what I have been through I know I had never really been sick. It all began on 5^th of January when I was diagnosed with severe malaria and for the next 3 weeks I was not in good shape. After that I had a good run until mid-May when I went for a routine check-up test and thanks to negligence of the hospital personnel, I have had to fight an aggressive bacterial infection for close to five months…. shuttling from one doctor to another, antibiotics upon antibiotics as well as unending tests. Basically, I have been unwell for an entire half year in total.

But today I am writing to say that God is indeed faithful. Yesterday one of my pastors shared a message on Whats-app, that God says ‘show me your faith and I will show you my faithfulness’. I feel that the circumstances I went through, was really a test of faith and if you read my previous post http://blissorblisters.blogspot.com/2014/09/when-heaven-is-silent.html, I failed miserably. I thank God for His grace and mercy and that He does not always accord us what we deserve. My rotten entitlement attitude during that period warranted a serious ‘beating’. But because of this grace, today I write to testify of God’s unconditional love and faithfulness. For starters I am now fully recovered. At this point, I wish to thank all the people who stood with me in prayers. And God has not stopped there. I can say that Hun and I are receiving blessings in double portion. Lately it seems like every day there is one or several ‘surprise love gifts’ from God. Seems the year will end on a very different note, and at the end of this month I will not say that this has been such a terrible year after all.

Our stay in Uganda expires in exactly one week. That is right, Hun and I are relocating back to Nairobi. Initially this also added to our stress levels! There was so much to consider and so much to do before we could relocate. One of it was to look for a house..… while away. While we had a very reliable family member helping us, turns out, good houses in Nairobi are like a mirage!! One minute it is there the next minute it is not. It has been emotionally taxing. Three times we rejoiced that we had got a house and all the three times the owners changed their minds or they decided to charge unreasonable rent. Thankfully, we eventually got one that we like in the exact area we wanted. Since then everything regarding our relocation has been falling in place…. the ducks are pretty much aligning. However, there were other problem. Leaving our wonder-filled friends…. you all know good-byes are never easy. Then there is Hun’s baby, FutureLink Technologies Limited and the church ministries that we serve in. These are especially difficult to depart from because of seeing what God is doing. Also for both the company and ministry work, there were challenges we have gone through as respective teams and leaving almost feels like a betrayal. But then in the midst of all God decided to show up and show off. Future Link Technologies recently got recognized among other Top 100 mid-sized companies in Uganda and my Green House team (Children Ministry) got awarded for being Mavuno Kampala’s Team of the Year….. all within the same week, and less than 2 weeks before we leave. The Ndoa (Marriage Ministry) team where we serve together also got an award at the 2014 fearless awards. These awards are against very many odds and as much as we know the respective teams worked hard, we must acknowledge God’s hand in it. We take it that He is releasing us and assuring us that He has ‘got it’, that it was never us…. it was always Him.

So that is Him…. the Boss. He orders our footsteps. He created us for His purpose and so has a plan for us. My near-2-years stay in Uganda was all in His intricate plan for me. I hope one day I will understand why He allowed the long months of indisposition. But even if it never happens I choose to rest in His word that says in Romans 8:28 that all things work together for good to those who love God.

So long our Ugandan family…. you have been great to us. Thank you for each and every one of you who touched our lives in any way. The last two years have totally changed my life in so many ways. I socialize more, our marriage got the foundation it needed, I can never settle to be a lukewarm Christian ever again, oh and I will take back with me the terrible English. I will tell people to ‘extend’ instead of ‘move’ and to ‘slope down’ instead of ‘go downhill’. I am not done yet: I will even try ‘fluke’ (read: sneak in) some of the slang I have acquired in my day to day conversations. I cannot promise this, but I will try use the word ‘shelling’ instead of ‘make fun of someone’…. though I will be careful at the size of the person I am telling just in case they misunderstand me since shelling means something totally different in my home country, and they might end up ‘assuring’ me (read: telling me off). I will also welcome back people at every opportunity, in fact, like I once witnessed from one respectful Ugandan lady as we were disembarking at Entebbe, I will welcome back Hun as soon as we land in Nairobi, even though we will have traveled together. Good manners just!!! Indeed Uganda will always have a special place in our hearts….. we have too many fond memories to take home with us and  by the way, I am not about to change my ‘Oh Uganda may God uphold thee’ ring tone any time soon. That is my prayer for Uganda.

To my Kenyan family, we are glad to be coming back home. You graciously ‘married us off’ and gave us your blessings as we, shortly after, set off to Uganda. We have had so many nostalgic moments of ‘home’ while we were here in the Land of Museveni. We are looking forward to reconnecting with long time friends and our wonderful family. Hun and I have changed as much as we have remained the same and I am sure so has each and every one of you. We hope you will receive and accept us with what you may probably consider as oddities here and there…. well most of them as listed above. Luckily “Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” ~ Robert Frost quoted ~

WHEN HEAVEN IS SILENT

Sunday 7^th September 2014. Hun and I wake up and get ready for church. Sundays are always exciting days for me. The dressing up, spending time with children at Sunday School, Worship, Sermon, the Sunday lunches with friends after wards….. exciting just. This Sunday even had a cherry topping. Normally I teach Sunday School, which we call Green House, during the first service and then attend the second service. Hun prefers to attend first service. This month of September however I am on a break from Green House duties so we get to attend service together.

So we are in church, 3^rd row center, no less. Praise and Worship is great…… at this point we have no idea we are like a lamb being led to the slaughter house. The songs are all about surrender. Our Kampala Campus Pastor gets onto the pulpit. Well, this anointed Man of God can very well hold a successful career in comedy. This new month of September we are a beginning a new series called ‘Unanswered’. I didn’t think much about it, in my mind I was like oh yeah we have all had those times. As he begins what initially seemed a very hilarious sermon, Hun and I are among those laughing out the loudest – those who know me will attest to the fact that I can be that obnoxious loud ‘laugher’ even in public places! One particular funny moment was when he very animatedly imitates those believers who request for a chance to stand in front of the congregation and testify, praising God for His faithfulness - citing how even during the week they prayed for a parking spot and miraculously got one. And why shouldn’t they praise Him? The problem comes in during those times you yourself are struggling with ‘life and death’ matters and the Lord seems to have taken leave! I stop and think about that ‘joke’ halfway through the laughter…. heyyyy wait a minute….. that has been us in the last several months, God had surely gone AWOL on us. And then the Pastor asked the congregation, “what do you do in those times?” Well, I knew what I have been doing, I have doubted God’s love for me, for us as a family. I have taken Him on guilt trips asking Him questions like can He not see how we have given of ourselves to Him and to His service? I have groveled and negotiated that if He comes through….. I will do this and that. At this point of the sermon, I could not hold back my tears any longer.

See, it all began on 20^th May 2014. A (relatively) healthy me walked into one of the best hospitals in Uganda for routine check-up. They asked me to come back the following day for a certain test. I did. And that is where my troubles began. I woke up the following day very ill. As it turns out, the test was done in a non-sterile condition and certain bacteria were introduced in my body. What is more painful was the casual manner that the doctor was treating the whole issue and so after no proper treatment after a month, the bacteria went berserk and the infection spread to adjacent organs. I have been in pain, I have had violent chills & fever, many nights I couldn’t sleep, appetite became a foreign concept. As we speak I am 10Kgs smaller since then. The treatment has also not been easy, the numerous hospital visits, rounds of IVs followed by strong, nauseating antibiotics tablets, and having to be on painkillers all the time. I could see Hun’s heart sink after every failed round of treatment. I stopped doing things that I liked. I couldn’t write. I was not there for Green House as I should have been. But the worst of all is, I wasn’t there for Hun. Many days he had to eat out – or join me in no-appetite-ville. When he came home from work, he’d have to sit in the living room by himself or just come and hang out in the bedroom with me even though I was never much is conversation mode. Well, since the last treatment I am now better. At least I can function even though the pain has not completely gone away. Still not good enough – I just want my normal life.

So that is why I had serious beef with God. After four rounds of antibiotic treatments and am still not as good as new, I was beginning to see how I was not on God’s priority list. I have prayed and have several people lifting me up in prayer for the same. I became convinced that maybe I had little faith – not even like the mustard seed. Other people had been prayed for and had got well. WHY me Lord? What was I doing wrong? What sins was I paying for? I cried some more. Thinking of all that I had been through, I felt very justified to feel sorry for myself and to be angry with God. How could I not? He let this happen to me, gave me over to negligent nurses and doctors. After all, the sermon went ahead to note that even John the Baptist who prepared the way for Christ had similar sentiments when he was thrown into prison on account of standing up for what was right. John sent a word to Jesus (Matt 11:3) to ask if He really was the ‘Coming One’ or they should look for another. He wondered why Jesus had let him get into trouble and why He would not get John out of prison, yet He had the power to.

Then what the Pastor said after is what broke me completely. It is not what Hun and I had expected to hear during this pity party! But it was the truth. He made us realize that we had shrunk God to our situation. Our confidence in God had become impacted by our circumstances. That God had not stopped being God because I was going through a period of infirmity. He asked us to look back and see where God has brought us from – my Jehovah Ebenezer, how could I have forgotten so quickly how good you have been to me? We had focused so much on the sickness we had failed to notice and acknowledge God’s blessings all around us. God is doing great things in our family but we had ignored it all. It was humbling.

I felt like the biggest brat in the universe, for throwing tantrums and trying to manipulate God. I cried and cried and then cried some more. I had to repent for trying to fit God into my ways and plans. Am learning to wholly trust Him ‘Be still and know He is Lord’. I may not understand it now, but I know what may seem as this unpleasant circumstances I am facing are eventually for His glory. Now I know that faith is more than the power to change things for the better, it is also the courage to face things as they are. And you know what, my testimony right now might not be that I am 100% healed physically but for sure I felt a huge burden lifted that Sunday - my attitude changed. Turns out it is way easier to submit to God in those difficult circumstances than pout at Him. He is God, completely not moved by the pout…. at least not until His will is accomplished!!

PS: The Sermon series ‘UNANSWERED’ continues at all Mavuno Churches/ Campuses. You may also download the weekly sermon notes at http://www.mavunokampala.org/#/messages/sermon-notes

WHAT YOUR PRE-MARITAL COUNSELOR MIGHT NOT HAVE MENTIONED

Back in the day when I was in high school, typical of teenagers, we thrived in challenging authority. We didn't like prefects much. They seemed to be the party poopers who were supposed to have been on the students’ side but were instead 'goody-too-shoes'. Even your closest buddy, roommate etc. seemed to take the job a bit too seriously once elected as prefect! Then one Friday morning all the students are sitting in the assembly hall and the list of new prefects is called out, lo and behold your name is among them. Well, you are happy to be recognized for your leadership qualities and be placed in that position but those nice thoughts are interrupted by some sadness because deep down you realize it is not going to be easy with your peers. So how do you enforce rules that you yourself have been previously culpable of breaking? The first school trimester would be dreadful but somehow eventually, water finds it's balance. Most friends would come around but then for few, the relationship would never be the same. So as a prefect you had the option of turning a blind eye to the ‘vices’ of your friends, or stand firm and explain to them that you could no longer be part of such due to your new responsibilities and the fact that the senior/ outgoing prefects would be watching us the junior prefects like hawks. Many times I wished my friends would understand the fact that, am really also trying to understand the new role, manage expectations and still maintain the friendship with them. I wished they wouldn't undermine my authority to see 'what she can do' by out rightly breaking rules in my presence. It often felt like they wanted me to prove my friendship while they, not so much holding their end of the bargain, else they'd not put me in that position. But then, that was also me before I made prefect.

And such is life, in high school it is being named prefect, at work it is getting a promotion and in life it is getting a baby, getting married etc. Life's circumstances change. Recently I watched an episode of the TV Series, Trophy Wife which is about a happy go lucky girl who gets married to a 2 times divorcee who lives with his three children from the previous marriages. The girl went from having her greatest concerns being which club to hit next, to teenage tantrums not to add organizing a home of 5. In this particular episode they had a fall out with her best friend who couldn't understand why her friend was all of a sudden not as much fun anymore since she got married. The best friend initially refused to acknowledge her friend's changed priorities. Well eventually they make up and there is a happy ending.

Unfortunately it is not always the case in real life. I've heard of friendships that permanently got severed after one person got married. A good marriage counselor will warn you about it during the pre-marital counselling. They will tell you that you are about to embark on a journey that not all your friends will go with you. For sure it is one of the most difficult thing you might ever have to do -- letting friends go. But you know what, do not feel guilty about it and even most important, don't hold it against them. By all means this doesn't mean one goes dismissing all their old friends. Old is gold and this seems especially true when it comes to friendships. I believe even the person whose circumstances change has an obligation to maintain some level of communication and create time whenever possible - you know, try maintaining a healthy balance. In case of marriage however, whenever there is conflict between the 2 worlds, your priority should always be your spouse, no matter how unreasonable you may feel he or she is being.

I love the words of TD Jakes regarding this issue. Here is some tough advice to anyone who ever lost a friend or is struggling with a relationship because their circumstances changed and inadvertently, so did your priorities.

Let Them Go by T.D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you, let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The Bible said that, “They came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.” [1 John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And, if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over, so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead. You’ve got to know when it is dead. You’ve got to know when it is over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of goodbye. It is the tenth spiritual gift. I believe in “goodbye”. It is not that I’m insensitive or uncaring, it is that I trust. I know whatever and whomever God means for me to have and be a part of my life He will give. And, if a relationship takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!! 

WHAT SHE DOESN’T KNOW WON’T HURT HER

You have got to admit it, travelling is exciting! The adrenalin rush, new people, different culture, the uncertainty, the anxiety, the feeling of ‘no one knows me around here’……. The list is endless. My 1^st visit to Kampala, was probably the most random thing I ever did….. but now I know it was truly by God’s design. It was in August 2010, a childhood pal and I had planned to travel to Dar-es - Salaam only for our plans to backfire 3 days prior to the date of travel and oh boy was I crushed seeing that I had already packed my bag! We just had to get Plan B since we were already on a traveling high. My pal had some longtime friends who’d been asking to host her and so she took up their offer, and being Ugandans, for them 3 days was enough notice to prepare to receive and host us. Now, I naturally love taking photos, but while away from home…. I usually go to great extents to capture them memorable moments. Anywho, we had an awesome time with our tourist packed schedule….. and so ofcourse through the entire experience I clicked and posed, clicked and posed. At some point one of our hosts - my new found friends - actually nick named me the ‘photowey’ one, I just wouldn’t let anything pass by the lense! So the day before we headed back to Nairobi I decided to have one last memorable photo moment, so upon a dare by my crazy friends, I… a grown woman…. climbed on top of the elephant sculpture at Nakumatt Oasis Mall and took a picture there!! Now, for the sake of those not so familiar with Kampala, Oasis Mall is one of the most popular malls, you know that place where you are likely to meet anyone and everyone at any time? Right!! Now I look back and wonder what I was thinking…… Lucky for me I had not met Hun yet, however as fate would have it, exactly 2 ½ years from the time I took the picture, I got married and moved to Kampala. So now I live here and Oasis Mall is where the church we attend is located, so I am reminded of my ‘indiscretion’ quite often.

So that is my streak of craziness when am out of town. Now, we all have that one thing that is a must do when away from home. Some of us are foodies – love sampling foreign/new cuisines, for others is learning the history of the place, others yet it is making friends and the list goes on. AND THEN we all know there are those who have to absolutely knock boots with a stranger (or otherwise) for their away-from-home experience to be fulfilled. What makes it very sad is that a good number of these people are married. I keep hearing of these horror stories from time to time. I have heard of people who go for those cheap thrills yet they would ‘die’ if their spouses found out and left them. Like seriously? Why would you hurt someone you care about? I know, I know….. they say what she doesn’t know won’t her.  But then when - not if - the truth comes out, we grovel, promise the sun and the moon just to show how sorry we are. And add…. ‘I never meant to hurt you’. You might as well be saying that you actually were expecting a bouquet of flowers from her congratulating you for the conquests. Am often baffled by this argument, does it mean….. it only becomes wrong when she finds out? Are we normally sorry because we were indiscrete or are we sorry that our spouse found out? The truth is you hurt them the minute you exchanged bodily fluids with another woman, not the minute she finds out.

Now before am virtually mob-justiced by men reading this article, and to be fair, unless these guys are not straight, they are often ‘getting lost in the moment’ with women so that makes us enablers and the Bible has no kind words for such, referring to these women by such names as adulterers/ immoral etc. I once overheard a lady say that she once traveled for a conference and ended up ‘in bed’ with a Japanese guy who they could not even communicate verbally due to language barrier! That statement is so wrong on so many levels I will not even get into that. So I write, well knowing that it is a two way street.

Unfortunately, these things do come out eventually. Sooner or later, dead or alive someone will suffer the consequences. The book of Proverbs Chapter 7 is very candid about adultery and especially being lured by the ‘immoral woman’. It says following her to her bed is like following a path to death. There is death – of trust, relationship, physical death etc. Oh and woe unto you if you have one of them prayerful spouses – I advise you to zip it in and take to piggy back rides on sculptured animals in embarrassing places when abroad, waaaaaay less heart ache for everyone and way easier to explain yourself – I think ;-)

IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES.....

Yesterday I was reminded of just how mortal we are. I attended a funeral service for a gentleman that I never got an opportunity to meet. However, it got me so emotional and I wept. I wept for a friend, who in her words, "feared never hearing the voice of her dad ever again". I wept for a wife who will never get the leadership of her husband after being together over 3 decades. I wept when I realized the deceased was only as young as my parents. My heart broke and my eyes became wet when one by one the family gave their tributes….. This man was obviously loved very much by his family and the void that he has left was evident. They said we sing the hymn ‘It is well’ as the family lay wreaths and I just couldn’t get myself to say those words. At that point in time, it was certainly NOT WELL with my soul.

One man stood to speak. He put things into perspective. He said that the only thing that we should worry about is our relationship with Christ in this land of the dying. Yes, we are in the land of the dying…. Those who die while in Christ are the ones in the land of the living, for they will never die! As for us who are still here, he ‘predicted’ that the probability of us dying in future is 100%. He made us consider what most of us would rather not when he said that who knows, probably he would not even make it home in the evening for he could even trip as he is leaving the pulpit and well…. pass on. It was a sobering reality for me. This reminded me of my most favorite bible verse: Psalm 90:12 – Teach us to number our days aright so that we may gain a heart of wisdom. A verse that daily reminds me what really matters in this life. Well, the man told us to be at peace, my friend’s dad was indeed in a better place, since he had a relationship with Christ. Then they said we sing ‘It is well’ again, and this time I managed to sing. My heart felt lighter. At this point, I even managed a private joke moment. You see, I caught myself applauding alongside everyone else when one Dr. Kizza Besigye was laying a wreath, and the thing is I do not think any of us could really explain why the applause…. maybe because he fights for ‘our’ rights? He also mourns his loved ones? First time to see him in person? I still do not know why I clapped all so enthusiastically. Perhaps it was because he represented the face of resilience and hopefulness. I suppose.

Anyway – moving along swiftly. In weddings, ’till death do us part’ is a vow we always think about when we are talking about remaining married for the long haul. However, the other meaning of this is that, there is a 100% chance that we will some day ‘fly away’….. the only twist is, you never know when.  This makes me think back to one of the best days of our marriage. Just two days ago, during our morning devotion, Hun re-dedicated his life to Christ. Oh what a joyous day it was, in our house and in Heaven... as the good book says. There is a certain peace that comes with knowing that the people you love will have a mansion next to yours in the pearly estate.

The other thing that we are totally grateful to God for is allowing our lives to be such that we are able to spend insane amount of time with each other. I have heard in other circles, it being called ‘suffocation’, yet for us we seem to enjoy every moment of it. Initially, Hun used to say it was because I was new in Uganda; didn’t know my way around and did not have friends…. I wonder what his ‘excuse’ is now that I can move about by myself and have made a ton of friends. Anyway the point is, when (not if) one day the vow - till death - becomes reality, our hearts will be comforted knowing we got to spend every possible moment with each other.

Life is just but a vapour….. make every moment count!

Dad Vs. Dad

Interesting read by Kariba, www.kariba.co.ke, a new daddy! A word for all the new dads or aspiring dads and the women in their lives.

Hun and I also taking notes for when that time comes.

Posted on March 10, 2014 by Kariba Moko

Its 3 am on a chilly Nairobi night. I’ve been up the last 45 minutes trying to get my daughter to sleep. Earlier in the day she got her first immunisation jabs and she’s been a bit cranky. Looking back, it’s been a blissful 6 weeks and our little bundle of joy has been a welcome addition. She is a 3 year answered prayer having hit an ectopic bump earlier in our marriage.
Being dad is an exciting feeling but it’s continuously becoming a learning lesson as I contrast the reality versus the expectations of being a dad. Here are my top novice learning lessons

1. Talk
The first week after the surgery was the hardest. Everyone recites the for better or for worse vows, no one tells you your first attempt at being parents would be the first hurdle ending up in a surgical ward.
My first reaction was anger; I immediately changed gynaecologists, talked to my insurer about bad doctors on their panel. Complained! Complained! Complained! Sadly I am a man and we try to fix things not feel.
Talking with other older couples and realising just how many of them had also gone through unsuccessful pregnancies not only helped me come to terms with our loss but also be a partner not a fixer to my wife.

2. Go for experience
If you followed my tweets a while back, I came up to the conclusion that male gynaecologists are generally better than their female counterparts.
My rationale: since the female anatomy is foreign to man. He tends to be curious. We went through 2 lady gynaecologists and a couple of scans only for the last guy to quickly spot the ectopic pregnancy from the symptoms presented. Feminists, before you lynch me. I would still visit a female gyne with my wife but they would have to be ultra-experienced and not only with certificates on their walls. Degrees I feel can be bought.

3. Drop the macho, Get He-Motions
Pregnancy is a dictatorship, and she is dick. Your role in the process doesn’t end at the billion man race ending with a fusion.
With hormones all over the place, prepare for the worst but hope for the best. I’ve listened to a few of my friends’ stories to know I got off easy with ice cream cravings at 10pm once or twice.
Recently, The Hug became a trending topic when the president hugged his wife after the inaugural first lady marathon. Listening in on Maina Kageni’s breakfast show it was sad to realise we actually have folks out there who use traditions and myopic thinking to deny themselves of intimacy/vulnerability.
The 9 months taught me to be there the biggest hurdle being going with her to the delivery room, an experience I found wasn’t half as bad as I imagined. You can be sure that bought me a Gazillion points which I shall bank in the future when I find myself in trouble with the Mrs.

4. Get some S
Babies KILL anything that starts with the letter S…Sex, Sleep, Sanity, Savings, Salary and they do this with their secret weapon Screams! Since you are never sure what each scream means you’ll probably do a few doctor visits and diaper changes before you realise which scream means what. So before your life becomes a living nightmare for about a month…Get all the S you can. The former being most preferred.

5. Plan ahead
Babies don’t come cheap. I remember having a chat with one of my friends after his baby came through and he was thanking me for advising him to raise his pregnancy cover. He had planned for a normal delivery but the baby had other ideas and he ended up paying for a Caesarean Section.
One of the most frustrating lines I have ever seen is the checkout at a maternity ward. Here new fathers are grabbed by the balls as they discover baby delivery costs they didn’t expect. I am quickly discovering what my role in life…to constantly ask “how much is that?” I learnt this when planning for our wedding. The lessons apply to everything after that.

6. Celebrate quietly
Babies are popstars! They attract groupies. From day one, new uncles, aunties, grandparents and friends will stroll in unannounced to give their regards.
Sadly, the first few weeks are hardest for the mother as she’s trying to understand the baby and still keep her sanity while recovering. In as much as family support is needed I have found myself constantly asking for alone time just so that mother and baby can get their quiet time. Of course as time goes by this all changes and the more company around you the better.

7. Mute the world, Trust your instincts.
Everyone cares for your new-born and sadly it doesn’t end at the gifts. Every visit comes with a bunch of recommendations depending on what the little one is up to.
I’ve come to the simple conclusion; despite the well-intended advice sometimes going with your gut is the best policy. In the baby’s world only mummy and daddy exist.

BLESSED ARE THE BIG GIRLS!

Yesterday, I did one of the most difficult things I have ever done…….

Less than two weeks to our wedding, Hun and I had a nasty fight. I even cried. Ok the fight wasn’t all that bad, it just happened that the reality of the d-day drawing nigh had left me an emotional mess. I broke down at every opportunity, including when the time came to bid farewell to our security guard, the loyal ‘askari’ who had enthusiastically greeted me with a smile almost every morning for the past four years, and who always informed me on new developments in the Estate and any new rules by the Estate Association Officials that he thought I should observe. I wept when I saw children playing outside my house, the children who had often driven me crazy with their noise on those days I had wanted some much needed peace and quiet, I realized how much that noise had become a part of my life over the years. I digress. So anyway, the man I was going to marry in a few days had wronged me and he wouldn't see things my way. I therefore decided to ‘retaliate’….. that made him furious, he walked out on our reconciliatory meeting…. now he had two wrongs!! That led to a standoff…. Hun wanted me to apologize but ofcourse he started ‘it’ and so it was all his fault. He made me do the bad, he should have just apologized and we get on with the final touches for the wedding. I couldn’t get why he was being stubborn. At some point two of my close girlfriends tried to arbitrate but clearly even they couldn’t see that he was the one entirely on the wrong, and I only did what I did, to….you know, just to show him that I can be bad too. If they wanted to step back to the 50s, I wasn’t about to go that road with them. A few days after that, we had some counseling sessions with the officiating Pastor and the matter came up and the good Reverend took Hun’s side and even recommended a book for me (the innocent party) to read!!!! Ofcourse he did. He was male and also I had already realized within the first few minutes of the meeting that the two of them had quickly established a certain rapport. Other than the fact that they were both from the same ethnic community, they chatted away about Uganda and Kampala and soccer and politics, never mind it was the first time they were meeting.  Hun still convinced I was on the wrong, bought me the book Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall, as if I needed it!

A few months into our marriage, as I have mentioned in earlier blogs, we met a group of amazing friends, all of them married longer than we. And everytime we would be in discussion regarding marital stuff, my point of having been on the right weakened more and more. At that point, I decided to give the book a try. I started reading it. It was tough, really tough for me. I didn’t think any of the things proposed there were possible, unless ofcourse I pretend and I was not ready to pretend. Well, a few months down, we had a ‘Forgiveness’ themed lesson series in our children’s church for a month. I wrote the lessons and I even taught during some of the Sundays but my turning point came from learning about forgiveness from the children. It was humbling! I remember telling them that I admire them because at their young age, were able to ask for and freely offer forgiveness! I told them that they should hold onto that virtue for as long as they shall live…. I even told them their marriages would be much happier….. I said that to 10 year olds! By that time I had come to realize that since it was difficult for me to apologize, it also made it difficult for me to forgive. I usually thought that for an apology to come out so easily from someone, there is no way it could be genuine. I must say this has been a humongous-septic-pus-filled blister in our bliss.

Yesterday early in the morning, I needed to do some transactions at the bank - a stone throw from where we live. So I got there and queued. I then stepped aside for a second and when I tried to get back on the line, a high heeled, sharply dressed young lady told me that I needed to ask her nicely or else she would not let me back…… my mind went oooohhhh I know she didn’t just challenge me!!! Anyways I told her - not in a nice tone - that I am not about to beg her to get back to where I was and that I WILL be served before her. And I was. But then for the first time, that ‘victory’ didn’t feel nice…. at all! I just realized how true what we’d been reading about last week is. That often, our responses during conflicts - whether to fight back or run are based on ‘FEAR’. At that time I was afraid of looking weak and vulnerable to her and everyone else who witnessed the little cat fight. You see, I was afraid that the lady would look down on me because she was sharply dressed, and I had just jumped out of bed and into the first piece of clothing that was near me. I was afraid that she will never know that I do also dress just as sharp! But then I got convicted by the prayers we had said in the morning to ‘not give the devil a foot hold’. At that point it occurred to me that I had nothing to prove, that what she or others perceived of me would never change who I really am. I felt terrible…..as soon as I got served, I walked upto her and apologized. I said the words….  I am sorry…. to a stranger! It wasn’t easy but it was worth it, and felt great afterwards. Contrary to what I have thought all along, it didn’t make me feel weak! I realized it takes a big person to apologize, not a ‘small’ person!

And so on this day, more than one year later I want to publicly say to Hun….. I am really sorry, I got back at you for you-know-what. It was wrong. I was afraid that if I had apologized on that day, I would live apologizing for the rest of our lives whether or not I was on the wrong. I was afraid that after moving away from home, I’d have no one else to fight for me but ‘ME’ and so I needed to be ‘tough’, foolishly taking the place of God. I had fear of the unknown, I was getting married in a few days and was afraid of how that was going to change my life, so very afraid that I was not in control of the future. Hun I was afraid, but I was still wrong regardless!

MAVUNO CHURCH - MY STORY

Source: www.mavunokampala.org

Now now now...... I was not planning on publicly saying anything about the Mavuno flyer controversy but a post on my Facebook Time line made me realize that I have a responsibility - I am the 'face' of Mavuno for most of my friends and family. The reason I was not going to say anything is because if this poster had come out a year ago I'd probably be the first one to have ridiculed it.... and one thing for sure, no matter how many times Pastor M. would have gone from one media house to another I would not have seen things any differently, I had already made up my mind that Mavuno is for the un-serious Christians. I lived in Nairobi West and I never ever attended any of the services at Mavuno which was next door. I mean how is it that the Worship Leader encouraged people to go nurse their hangover in church?? Huh?? Never mind all this was hearsay.... Still, didn't he know that church is for those of us who have 'got it together' especially on Sundays? Church was the place where we were supposed to be on our best behaviour and appearance? I guess it is human nature to demonize what we are ignorant about.... or maybe that was just me. So anyway, I decided to tell my Mavuno story, not so much to 'defend' the Church but to tell the other side that the media is not making noise about; that side that screams: Mavuno Church is about T.R.A.N.S.F.O.R.M.A.T.I.O.N!

So fast forward to today.... I am now Mavuno damu. I keep thinking God has such an incredible sense of humour! The church that I considered un-serious has been my school of faith! It was not until I began worshiping there that I realized Mavuno, like many Pentecostal churches, has its target group (http://www.mavunokampala.org/#/about-mavuno/our-target) and that explained alot why they did things differently. I love my former church (not Mavuno) and whenever I am in Nairobi that it is where I worship from. That is the pulpit where I gave my life to Christ and that is where I first got the courage to serve in church and for those and many other reasons, it will always be a special sanctuary for me. But then, by no one elses fault but mine.... while there, I was more of a Sunday Christian; don't get me wrong I still really tried to keep within morally acceptable standards most of the times. I honestly (I know it sounds foolish) thought that I needed to be perfect and when I'd sin I would be so hard on myself..... I thought it was by my own strength that I needed to keep on the straight and narrow..... didn't understand the grace of God. That is why I preferred to put my church friends in a box labelled 'Sunday life', that way I never interracted with them during my 'normal life' hence they would not get to know that I (also) sinned, now not anymore.... not after meeting real people with real issues and encountering a real God! God needed to take me out of my comfort zone, all that was familiar to me..... to experience Him afresh! Until I came to Mavuno, I had never really known what it meant to include God in everything you do, every breath you take. I never understood what it meant when people would say God spoke to them, surely who ever heard God's voice and is still alive? I never knew how to totally trust and depend on Him..... to let go and let God. I was also delighted to be informed that I was put on this earth for a divine purpose and encouraged to pursue it (http://www.mavunochurch.org/new/content.php?id=38). When I do not work towards it, am letting the entire body of Christ down. Mavuno helps you prepare for eternity but also encourages you, in the mean time, to be useful doing what God put you here on earth for in all excellence...... we call it turning ordinary people into fearless influencers of society (http://www.mavunochurch.org/new/content.php?id=50). I used to wonder why many 'celebs' used to go to Mavuno till I realized that it was the other way round, Mavuno makes celebs and not the celebs that make Mavuno.... encouraging people to be excellent at what they do to make a difference in the six sectors of societal focus, i.e. church & mission, media & the arts, economy & business, health & the environment, politics & governance, education & family! Did I mention that the marriage enrichment group I keep referring to in this blog is a Mavuno Church initiative? After going through 10 weeks of Ndoa our marriage was never the same again! Hun and I have known how to pick our battles, how to fight fair, issues to do with complete transparency, how to handle in-laws as well as finances..... establishing the family altar.

Well.... about the flyer, one blogger - Wanjiru Kihusa (http://www.wanjirukihusa.com/blurred-lines-my-take-2/) got the words right out of my mouth, including the title. I must confess that when I saw the pic of the white girl with very tiny shorts and read the words on the flyer, my jaw dropped. You see I was raised up in an Anglican church and by very strict parents. Sex was soooooo 'sinful' that we never ever talked about it. When I was in my pre-teens, I once read in a newspaper about a girl that had been 'raped', didn't know what that meant.... I asked my mum and she told me I'd find out when I grew older. Imagine that, such important and relevant information to a growing teen was with held. That is how much of a taboo 'sex' was. So YES the flyer startled me, made me abit uncomfortable when I saw it. That said, I was not for one second worried that the blurred lines session would be on how to twerk it the Miley Cyrus way! If how I'd grown and still growing spiritually was anything to go by, I trusted that the content of the lesson would definitely be spiritually uplifting. Infact I was so glad that someone was bold enough to talk to the teens about the difficult subject of sex and especially within the christian context while most of us would rather shy away from it. Unfortunately while we do that, our teens continue to be misled by the media that continues to glorify sex and this technology age that we are living in doesn't help much!! 

I have now come to terms with the fact that the poster was never meant for me..... neither was it for anyone in my generation or earlier. The truth is this generation is overly exposed to sex, what is shocking to us is their everyday world. I am certainly sure that back in the day cooking oil adverts had no sexual innuendos and there was no kissing in cartoons either! 

Different Times. Different Generation. Different Problems. Different Strategies..... that's my take.Like

YOU ROCK!!!

Today we celebrate a milestone!  A big thank you to all the readers and followers of ‘Bliss and Blisters’, you all have inspired and motivated me much. I have made some great friends! Am truly grateful for your support, pleasant comments, meaningful words and appreciation.  The appreciation is however all mine, for all of you who are following my work, spreading and blogging my posts. 3,000 page views with just 8 posts is truly beyond what I was expecting to have and it really blows my mind away to see how many of you are visiting my blog daily especially in 2014! THANK YOU!

A special thanks to a number of friends and family members who pushed me into blogging. You know yourselves. Turns out it was the best peer pressure I ever bowed to! I love the institution of marriage. Within the one year of marriage I have cried, laughed, fought, made peace, let go, had to learn to always think about someone else (other than 'I') in all I do……. all in all it still remains one of the most fulfilling years of my life. I have been loved on, taken care of, constantly encouraged, had someone to walk with through everything and above all I have had to grow up by leaps and bounds….. spiritually, emotionally and even PHYSICALLY.

They say there is no need to re-invent the wheel so if through our marriage experiences we can save others from having to learn ‘the hard way’, then we are willing to be vulnerable with you all. This is why this blog exists. Secondly, there are these dear friends, whom, Hun and I are forever grateful to God for making our paths cross. They have invested and continue to invest in our marriage, and seeing the difference it makes in our lives…… we cannot help but wish the same for everyone within our circle of influence.

I would also like to take the opportunity to thank HUN - my Husband, my Dear-heart: Even though we sometimes drive each other up the wall, I thank God for we always slither back down through forgiveness, into each other's arms.... work in progress is what we are. Thank you for being my editor and much appreciation for allowing me to share our imperfect lives with the world. I love you Byron Osiro.

To God - Author of Marriage: You created man and then thought it was not good for him to be alone and so you created him a companion (Gen 2:18-22). Thank you for using a broken vessel like me to communicate your idea of marriage – even as we too try to find our way there.

TRUTH EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW BEFORE GETTING HITCHED

A few weeks into our marriage enrichment program (NDOA), we were given a form with about 10 ‘needs’ that we expected to be met by our spouses. It is almost similar to the love languages but this was more detailed and had many ‘languages’ than the 5 as we know them i.e. Acts of service, Quality time, Physical touch, Words of affirmation and Gifts. There were 2 columns next to each need. In the 1^st column we were to rate in order of importance to us, from the most important need to the not-so-important. In the 2^nd column we were to rate what we thought was most important for our spouses. Then thereafter we were to compare what we considered important to us versus what our mates thought was important to us. Of course my number one for Hun, or for all other man, was a no brainer and as far as I was concerned; it had to be sexual intimacy. So when he revealed his list and it was not his number one, I thought he was just being pious (since the enrichment group is church affiliated and we were required to discuss our lists). I took it with a pinch of salt, after all the number one need for all men was sex, or so I thought. So when we met in the larger group and collectively the men confirmed that sex was not on top of their list, I was now confused! You mean sex does not solve all of a man’s problems??

I knew I was not alone when some weeks later a question was popped to a group of ladies in the same enrichment group asking what was the one thing we wish we knew before we got married and it was almost unanimous that someone should have told us that….. husbands shall not live by sex alone! You cannot blame us since most of us, especially if you have attended a number of bridal showers, sex is usually the main topic if not the only topic. Well, I thank God because mine was different in that in addition to the S subject, the speaker talked about other issues basing everything on the Bible. However, clearly my mind had already been corrupted to that kind of thinking. During the ladies forum I mentioned earlier, it was hilarious to hear some of the advice that ladies have been given concerning the subject. Most memorable was how as a lady you should always have a bucket of water and towels beforehand – and I thought, wouldn’t that very well-meaning act completely kill spontaneity??

Over the months I have learnt that while IT is an important part of marriage, most men, if not all consider RESPECT and ADMIRATION more important. For me, admiration has really not been a problem. Hun’s passion in the way he does things and his super-human ability to remain calm and optimistic even when stuff is going horribly wrong, makes it easy. Plus, I mean, just the fact that he was able to convince me to move - those who know me well will tell you am the most rigid person when it comes to change - leave my family, my friends, my Sunday School babies, my comfortable decently paying flexi-time (ok not officially) job, my rented ka-house and everything else that was familiar to me, totally demands admiration from me.

It is ‘respect’ that I have struggled with for a while but I thank God for slowly taming that too. Generally I respect him, the area that I used to fail over and over is arguing in public. Now, I know you all strong and opinionated women feel me on this one. There are times I’d get caught up trying to prove my point I fail to notice the curious on lookers around us, waiting…. almost ‘casting lots’ amongst themselves who between Hun and I will back down first. By this time, Hun would usually be beyond embarrassed.  Well we have since developed a code which we use to end the conversation when either of us flies off the handle in public and so far so good. In relation to public embarrassments, the other issue I have had to deal with, was how I was fond of ‘correcting’ him in public or his comments on Facebook. As I have mentioned before, I am a Choleric/ Mel. We Cholerics tend to ‘think’ (read: know) we are always right. By God’s grace I have learnt to hold my horses and bite my tongue no matter how much it bleeds.

Well ofcourse this doesn’t by any means translate to being gagged. We must enjoy freedom of speech oh especially in marriage otherwise you will surely surely lose your mind. I believe I have a voice and a brain for a reason and that my over 30 years of life’s experiences count for something as far as giving opinions is concerned. My prayer has been for wisdom and a lot of patience….. to be tactful, to be patient for the right space to UNLEASH…. respectfully of course!!

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

Happy New Year? Mine wasn’t. For the first time in my life, much to the surprise of my Ugandan family, I came down with Malaria. The surprise look on their faces due to the fact that it was my first time made me feel like I had indeed delayed this rite of passage, a late bloomer!! What surprised them more is that I was treated with IVs and had to be on drip at some point and the fact that I was sick for almost 21 days. Apparently Malaria in Uganda is more like how in Kenya we frequently suffer from the common cold/ flu and how casually we treat it. Most ‘feel it coming’, go straight to a Medical Lab and request to confirm whether they have malaria and then recommend drugs…… no need to see a doc. In other cases, once you suspect you have the symptoms, you go straight to the Pharmacy for drugs. However that wasn’t me, coz I had it bad!

I thank God now am all good, better than before actually……. several Kilos lighter and didn’t have to do a *slimpossible after all. Mmmhh…. now how to maintain the current weight is the challenge seeing I am now back to loving my food, anyway I digress.

Being unwell was an extremely humbling experience in a good way and sometimes not so good. As I have said in a previous blog, I love Ugandans and all Ugandanized Kenyans. The love they showed me and by extension us as a family was overwhelming. I think staying in Uganda has forever changed me. We got very many visitors. Everyone who heard I was unwell wanted to visit: Church leadership, fellow congregants, many friends, Hun’s colleagues etc, oh and word did spread quickly. And they were practical too! Some brought cooked spinach for my iron replenishment, others made me vegetable soup in my kitchen, others came and made me litres of fresh juice, to name but a few. There were many more that checked up on me daily through calls, texts, emails etc. Oh and the prayers. This is not to mean my Kenyan peeps abandoned me, however it was comforting for them to know that I had people around me. As usual, I had my mum ‘threatening’ to come over and be with me and my siblings giving me daily menus….. some of which we all agreed were quite questionable.

Then there was the main man. If I was ever so grateful to have married Hun, it was during this time. Remember when I said sickness can be humbling in a bad way. Sometimes it frustrated me that I couldn’t do simple tasks for myself and so it made me snappy, plus I think the pain didn’t help. He had to take it all in. He would cook for me and most of the time I would not take more than 2 spoonfuls before I hurl it all out. Please note my husband would rather watch paint dry than cook (It’s a family thing). Sometimes I would request him to go out and get me a certain craving and by the time he’d get back, my cravings have changed. He also had to be the ‘host’ of all our visitors. Let us just say there was a lot of re-orienting himself with the kitchen. Perhaps this would have been easier if he didn’t have to be working, considering it is January and having been away from office during the Holidays meant a backlog. Yet he never complained. It made me feel abit guilty since there was a time he had hurt his hand, and even though I was there for him I would not shut up of how ‘tiring’ it was. I guess we learn every day.

Moral of the story: Never under estimate the power of a mosquito net and repellant jelly – not that am using either as we speak but planning on it…. ohhh how I do not like sleeping under a net. Secondly, if you can please visit people when they are sick - it really lightens up the spirit. Finally, I know our case is relatively minor but it made me think of other major sicknesses that some couples have had to get through or even worse, live with. All in all, I realized that the promise ‘in sickness and in health’ takes a lot more selflessness than we ever think about as we recite our vows on the wedding day…. a lot of grace under fire!

*Slimpossible is a Kenyan weight loss program that airs in East Africa.