Sunday 7th September 2014. Hun and I wake up and get
ready for church. Sundays are always exciting days for me. The dressing up, spending
time with children at Sunday School, Worship, Sermon, the Sunday lunches with
friends after wards….. exciting just. This Sunday even had a cherry topping.
Normally I teach Sunday School, which we call Green House, during the first
service and then attend the second service. Hun prefers to attend first
service. This month of September however I am on a break from Green House duties
so we get to attend service together.
So we are in church, 3rd row center, no less. Praise
and Worship is great…… at this point we have no idea we are like a lamb being
led to the slaughter house. The songs are all about surrender. Our Kampala
Campus Pastor gets onto the pulpit. Well, this anointed Man of God can very
well hold a successful career in comedy. This new month of September we are a
beginning a new series called ‘Unanswered’. I didn’t think much about it, in my
mind I was like oh yeah we have all had those times. As he begins what initially
seemed a very hilarious sermon, Hun and I are among those laughing out the
loudest – those who know me will attest to the fact that I can be that
obnoxious loud ‘laugher’ even in public places! One particular funny moment was
when he very animatedly imitates those believers who request for a chance to stand
in front of the congregation and testify, praising God for His faithfulness -
citing how even during the week they prayed for a parking spot and miraculously
got one. And why shouldn’t they praise Him? The problem comes in during those
times you yourself are struggling with ‘life and death’ matters and the Lord
seems to have taken leave! I stop and think about that ‘joke’ halfway through the
laughter…. heyyyy wait a minute….. that has been us in the last several months,
God had surely gone AWOL on us. And then the Pastor asked the congregation, “what
do you do in those times?” Well, I knew what I have been doing, I have doubted
God’s love for me, for us as a family. I have taken Him on guilt trips asking
Him questions like can He not see how we have given of ourselves to Him and to
His service? I have groveled and negotiated that if He comes through….. I will
do this and that. At this point of the sermon, I could not hold back my tears any
longer.
See, it all began on 20th May 2014. A (relatively)
healthy me walked into one of the best hospitals in Uganda for routine check-up.
They asked me to come back the following day for a certain test. I did. And that
is where my troubles began. I woke up the following day very ill. As it turns
out, the test was done in a non-sterile condition and certain bacteria were
introduced in my body. What is more painful was the casual manner that the
doctor was treating the whole issue and so after no proper treatment after a
month, the bacteria went berserk and the infection spread to adjacent organs. I
have been in pain, I have had violent chills & fever, many nights I couldn’t
sleep, appetite became a foreign concept. As we speak I am 10Kgs smaller since
then. The treatment has also not been easy, the numerous hospital visits,
rounds of IVs followed by strong, nauseating antibiotics tablets, and having to
be on painkillers all the time. I could see Hun’s heart sink after every failed
round of treatment. I stopped doing things that I liked. I couldn’t write. I
was not there for Green House as I should have been. But the worst of all is, I
wasn’t there for Hun. Many days he had to eat out – or join me in
no-appetite-ville. When he came home from work, he’d have to sit in the living
room by himself or just come and hang out in the bedroom with me even though I
was never much is conversation mode. Well, since the last treatment I am now better.
At least I can function even though the pain has not completely gone away. Still
not good enough – I just want my normal life.
So that is why I had serious beef with God. After four
rounds of antibiotic treatments and am still not as good as new, I was
beginning to see how I was not on God’s priority list. I have prayed and have
several people lifting me up in prayer for the same. I became convinced that maybe
I had little faith – not even like the mustard seed. Other people had been
prayed for and had got well. WHY me Lord? What was I doing wrong? What sins was
I paying for? I cried some more. Thinking of all that I had been through, I
felt very justified to feel sorry for myself and to be angry with God. How
could I not? He let this happen to me, gave me over to negligent nurses and
doctors. After all, the sermon went ahead to note that even John the Baptist
who prepared the way for Christ had similar sentiments when he was thrown into prison
on account of standing up for what was right. John sent a word to Jesus (Matt
11:3) to ask if He really was the ‘Coming One’ or they should look for another.
He wondered why Jesus had let him get into trouble and why He would not get John
out of prison, yet He had the power to.
Then what the Pastor said after is what broke me completely.
It is not what Hun and I had expected to hear during this pity party! But it
was the truth. He made us realize that we had shrunk God to our situation. Our confidence
in God had become impacted by our circumstances. That God had not stopped being
God because I was going through a period of infirmity. He asked us to look back
and see where God has brought us from – my Jehovah Ebenezer, how could I have
forgotten so quickly how good you have been to me? We had focused so much on
the sickness we had failed to notice and acknowledge God’s blessings all around
us. God is doing great things in our family but we had ignored it all. It was
humbling.
I felt like the biggest brat in the universe, for throwing
tantrums and trying to manipulate God. I cried and cried and then cried some
more. I had to repent for trying to fit God into my ways and plans. Am learning
to wholly trust Him ‘Be still and know He is Lord’. I may not understand it now,
but I know what may seem as this unpleasant circumstances I am facing are eventually for His glory. Now I know that faith
is more than the power to change things for the better, it is also the courage
to face things as they are. And you know what, my testimony right now might not
be that I am 100% healed physically but for sure I felt a huge burden lifted that
Sunday - my attitude changed. Turns out it is way easier to submit to God in those
difficult circumstances than pout at Him. He is God, completely not moved by
the pout…. at least not until His will is accomplished!!
PS: The Sermon series ‘UNANSWERED’ continues at all Mavuno
Churches/ Campuses. You may also download the weekly sermon notes at http://www.mavunokampala.org/#/messages/sermon-notes
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